Healthy boundaries

Have you ever felt drained after spending time with someone? Maybe a friend who always comments on everything you say or who is always being negative about the world. Or is there someone around you who is always disturbing you? Like a lonely friend who is constantly seeking attention on social media and sends you too many messages. These situations highlight the importance of healthy boundaries.  

So what are these boundaries? Healthy boundaries are like invisible lines we draw around ourselves, emotionally and physically. They define what is acceptable behaviour towards us and what is not. These lines are not there to push people away, but they create a space where we can feel safe, respected and empowered.

Before you can set healthy boundaries, you need to know what is important to you. It will take some time before you know what is important and sometimes things will also change. So stay flexible, open and kind to yourself. Here are some aspects of healthy boundaries:

• Self-awareness: You need to understand your needs, wants and limitations. What makes you feel comfortable and what makes you feel uncomfortable? What kind of support can you offer others? Where do you need to draw the line?  
• Communication: Once you know what your boundaries are, it is important that you communicate them clearly and assertively. You don’t have to become rude, you can always use kind words. For example: ‘I would love to come, but I already have another appointment’. 
• Respect: You respect others’ boundaries while they also need to respect yours. This fosters mutual trust and understanding. 

If you have never learned from your parents to set healthy boundaries, it can be challenging when you are older. But you are never too old to learn. It just takes time and practice. You can even see every situation as a learning moment. Healthy boundaries are essential for our mental and emotional well-being. 

• It will reduce stress: By saying ‘no’ to unreasonable requests and protecting your time, you prevent burnout and overwhelming feelings. If you can’t say ‘no’ you will only keep being busy for other people. But you also need to make time for yourself. And a ‘no’ to one thing, means a ‘yes’ to something else. 
• It will improve relationships: Boundaries create clarity in relationships. In this way people know what they can expect from you and vice versa. Which will lead to stronger and healthier bonds. 
• It will increase your self-esteem: Setting boundaries is a way to show self-respect and teaches others to value your needs. This will boost your confidence and self-worth. 
• It is good for your personal growth: Boundaries allow you to focus on your goals and well-being. By creating space to learn and to grow, you become a better version of yourself. 

So now you know that it is a must to have healthy boundaries, how do you set them? 

• Check your energy level: Reflect on things that make you feel good and what drains your energy. Write them down. What kind of support can you give to others and what do you need from others?
• Learn to say ‘no’: You don’t have to give others a reason why you can’t or don’t want to do something. You just say ‘no, thank you’. No explanation necessary. 
• Protect your time and energy: We can’t do everything for everyone. Boundaries help us prioritise commitments. 
• Communicate clearly: Be specific about your boundaries. 
• Stay strong: People will not always respond in a positive way. Stay firm about your boundaries. 

Hereby some examples of healthy boundaries:

• Saying ‘no’ to extra work when you are already busy enough. 
• Take time offline. Don’t be available all the time. 
• Plan me-time in your agenda. 
• Limiting contact with toxic or draining people. 

Setting boundaries is an ongoing process. It takes time and practice. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ and prioritise your well-being. You deserve it and you can do this!